I have always been magnetized to and mesmerized by sunsets. . .
There is some magical chemical concoction that happens in my brain and body.
Time stands still.
My mind stops churning un controllably.
I find my self in a trance muttering words . What, how, oh my gosh, really?, YES
Over time the pleasure I feel inside has grown.
I can confidently say I was bred to observe the human mind.
It’s been as much of my life experience as a relationship with a close family member.
It is part of my story from embryo.
The impacts- intended and unintended, the highs and lows, the stimulation that comes from mental instability have always been teachers.
I have been watching the way others behave, the way I think, from the time my ego was formed.
I recently was observing myself and started to notice a blockage with my sunset gazing.
I was feeling less present. Un able to receive the depth of what my eyes were seeing.
Receive:
It just so happened at this time I was diving deep into my own feminine work. Reviewing my relationship to mother, to sisters, to yin energy, and any other relationship with the divine feminine. Anima. Mother Complex. Mother archetype. Working with a coach for feminine led business- Perri Chase. I was turning over so many rocks. Realizing I wasn’t skilled at receiving openly. Loving comments, banked right off me. Letting in just enough to keep me going. Gifts, I paired those a little bit with guilt, or pride. Food, material objects, nice things, were quickly over looked with my appetite for more. I realized my yin attributes were not very available to me. This would be a huge piece for my sunset time.
Open:
Survival is an ancient energy. A leader we have followed as a species for time immemorial. It overrides most any form of thought or action. It can go very very very out of control. It shows up with the tint of scarcity. NOT ENOUGH. I was starting to notice how tight my body was, how scarce the world was around me. I was curled up internally like a snail shell. Preparing for trouble, nothing was going to penetrate me. To open was my next clue. If I want to receive, I must open. As a dear friend once taught me- Closed mouths can not be fed.
Surrender:
While attending a temaszcal in Baja I got the final piece I needed. This is similar to an Inipi, or some know these as a sweat lodge. Water poured on hot stones in a tight space creates high temps. Sometimes it can be painful, nearly burning my body. I always strong man it in there. Sit through, grit, spit, breathe. But this time something came to my mind- surrender. Just lay on the earth and stop fighting so hard all the time. Seemed silly but I listened. The pieces came together.
Surrender, Open, Receive
These are the words that I bring to sunsets.
Mind, stop trying to be somewhere else, doing, achieving, planning, trying so hard to feel worthy. Surrender.
Body, you are safe and secure. Be present with this moment and loosen up. We don’t need protection right now. Open
Ean, Nourish yourself. Drink this in. You don’t need words to describe and judge it. Turn the filters off. Let the light in your eyes. Let the sounds in your ears. Let the smell in your nose. Tastes in your mouth. Feel the sensations on your skin.
LET THE ENERGY IN.
This has been my journey.
To open my mouth in order to be fed.
I assume it will only continue.
The ability to drink in life at any moment I choose.
Like a walking solar panel to life’s vibrant emissions of energy.
If you would like to become a better observer join my habit share community. Habit share is an app. designed to support us in creating new habits. Step into a daily practice of observation and awareness of self. This is the key to diving even further into the beauty of life all around us. This app. is a powerful way to create long lasting habits. My QR code is below, easily find me on there.
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